Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
