It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
