i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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