there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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