He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
