i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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