p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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