if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
