I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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