How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
