i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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