Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life