Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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