Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.

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  (708): You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook. http://tfl.nu/mlr4
  Replies (24) Good night (4436) Bad night (811)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'

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  (778): Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world' http://tfl.nu/vm9t
  Replies (8) Good night (7226) Bad night (901)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter

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  (561): I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter http://tfl.nu/r170
  Replies (18) Good night (1011) Bad night (4851)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming

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  (862): this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming http://tfl.nu/d5m0
  Replies (34) Good night (4164) Bad night (993)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

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  (817): When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. http://tfl.nu/ucur
  Replies (15) Good night (5314) Bad night (1381)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.

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  (508): NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY. http://tfl.nu/zzc9
  Replies (6) Good night (3133) Bad night (988)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.

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  (316): I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock. http://tfl.nu/nmgr
  Replies (16) Good night (3812) Bad night (775)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?

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  (+44): Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert? http://tfl.nu/uki8
  Replies (4) Good night (2545) Bad night (985)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said

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  (214): I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said http://tfl.nu/i92d
  Replies (5) Good night (721) Bad night (1566)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.

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  (563): he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on. http://tfl.nu/j2lo
  Replies (9) Good night (862) Bad night (1974)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building

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  (314): My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building http://tfl.nu/5uwh
  Replies (4) Good night (1120) Bad night (548)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back

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  (512): You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back http://tfl.nu/1cno
  Replies (2) Good night (1300) Bad night (513)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.

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  (918): That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates. http://tfl.nu/madm
  Replies (8) Good night (1980) Bad night (589)
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  (805): View more from California

  Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.

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  (805): Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother. http://tfl.nu/ewkc
  Replies (4) Good night (1101) Bad night (425)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D

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  (402): Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D http://tfl.nu/eelv
  Replies (2) Good night (678) Bad night (359)

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