I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.