Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
