How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.