My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?