I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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