Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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