Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
