I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
