pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize