He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
