I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
