I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
