Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
