No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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