don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
