Plan B is the new Plan A
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
