I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
