The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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