Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
