Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
