She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
