we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
