no you cant smoke seaweed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm really busy with my period
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