i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
