What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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