It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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