Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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