Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
