it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
