Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
