I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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