How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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