OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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