He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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