Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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