Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize