So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
