You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
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