I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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