You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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