There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's Friday. Sex?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
