I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
