She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
