just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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