We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
