Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
