Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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