Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
