I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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