he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
