Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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