just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
